CHAPTER 9: YOUNGER CO-WORKERS

Younger co-workers are notorious for debating things and experiences you have left in the past – i.e. – favorite toys, cartoons and high school teachers. Readers will learn how to Avoid, Dodge and Deflect when the conversation at work turns to things they don’t remember because it happened after their time. For example, when you discover the favorite childhood toy others loved was the Cabbage Patch Doll, what do you do? Quit? Leave the room? Only discuss the enduring classics like Barbie? Or talk about the toys you actually played with?

I am one of the oldest but because they don’t know my specific age, I blend. We decided to go out after work. As we approached the club, a 70's themed place called “Poly Esthers” I noticed a man at the door checking IDs. The best move here was clearly to stay behind everyone so if he didn’t proof me it wouldn’t make everyone think, “HMMM, she must be significantly older than us.” And if he did proof me . . . I wasn’t prepared for this BUT HE DID!!

I pointed to my face and whispered, “Cmon, isn’t it obvious I’m over 30?” They weren’t satisfied with my words. They asked my date of birth. Finally I resorted to begging with tears in my eyes. That worked. Even flattering moments are painful.
Out with Tom and Lisa. Lisa is one of those people who continually asks a question even if you let her know you will never answer it. For about the fifth time in the two months we’ve known each other she said, “How old are you Rose? You told me but I forgot.”

I said, “No, I never told you, I never tell anyone my age.”
She said, “That’s OK, Chantelle told me.” (Chantelle was my manager at the time)
I said, “But I never told her, how would she know?”
Lisa said, “She must have snooped your personnel records.”

* I was out with a migrane the next day. Chantelle got fired soon after. Hell hath no fury as a dated woman.

Kellie and I drive in to work together and she has a fifteen-year-old sister. Kellie thinks I'm about her age, how do I admit to my nieces age? How?? My niece is bigger than I am and some strangers did mistake us for sisters. I shave about five years off the older children. I exaggerate the youth of my brother who had children first, and I exaggerate how much younger I am than him.

Back to Kellie. I really like her. She's mature beyond her years and I am completely comfortable with her. We're at the same basic developmental stages, we're both about to get married, considering a big move as a result, and we have the same job. The difference is Kellie is nearing the average age for this step in life, she's a little younger than average, and I'm -- maybe a few years past the average. So why tell her my age? So she can start calling me Ms. LaColla? Or maybe she'll start explaining things which she perceives to have fallen into our generation gap. She still doesn't know my age but has asked several times. I try to gently reveal it to her so she won't freak out. So as not to draw attention to the telltale signs that I'm older than she is. Or worst of all, to cause her to preface anything she says with, “Yeah, my mother thinks/says that too.” As if to say, I can't relate to you anymore, perhaps my mother could. Her mother is only 43!!

The first time Kellie asked the question, we were driving in to work together, and I couldn't run, I couldn't hide, I was driving. I really thought we got past the question. Either she figured it out or she just didn't care. Almost anything personal can lead a person down that path to the question. I can't remember how it started, but there were about three turns in the conversation the first time she asked me that went something like this.

Me: I love this song (on the radio)
Kellie: I never heard it, who is MC Hammer* and when did he perform in the high school auditorium?

* Are you thinking, MC Hammer performed in her high school, she must not have graduated too long ago. If you did think that, then you have just picked up another handy trick. Reference songs you loved in high school that didn’t come out until much later.

Me: Oh, I don’t know I just heard this on the radio for the first time recently, I think it’s an old song though.
Kellie: Oh . . .. Where did you go to high school?
Me: (beginning to sweat) Roosevelt. Hey look up ahead, we are heading for traffic, should we go another way?
Kellie: Did you know Frank Calabra, he went to Roosevelt?
Me: That name sounds familiar, but it's such a big school, and I may be confusing him with someone I used to work with at NYNEX. NYNEX makes phones. . Oh that reminds me, don't forget to call home to see how your dog is doing after getting spade, how did the surgery go anyway? (By now I'm praying to God she's lost her focus)
Kellie: How long did you work at NYNEX?
Me: Ten years. (Why did I answer that honestly, oh my god!!!)
Kellie: Wow, ten years! (pause) . . . H o w o l d a r e y o u ?
Me: (Silence, I try to smile. I feel her staring at me, trying to piece it together)
Kellie: Oh come on, you're not at that age when you can't say anymore.
Me: (Silence again, praying, please God, make her stop)
Kellie: You're not 30 are you?
Me: No, Kellie, I'm not! (OK, please, let that be enough of an answer)
Kellie: I know, you're 29. Well you look great for your age, I thought you were my age.

Thank God, it's over. But that was not the end. And the 29 thing was not entirely flattering because Kellie is so young, that she almost falls into the category of the child who thinks her mother is 10 years old because there concept of age really doesn't go much higher than that. At 17, I thought 24 was older. Now 80 doesn't even look old to me.

Frequently people are more inquisitive about your age when they deem you to be about thiers. They are measuring where they are in life against your experiences. That is why it is difficult to be friendly with someone who had a child very young. My first experience with a young mother was when she was alerting me to the fact that I’d better have children before I get too old happened when I was 22. I was not even dating anyone seriously and she said, “have children now, you don’t want to wait until you’re too old.” Then when I was 27, another woman, 35, with a 17 year-old son said, “It’s crazy when these white women have children so old, I mean over 25.” !! I didn’t dare tell her I contemplated having children some day.