My Mother Never Told Her Age

 My mother always hid her age, even from her six kids.  That is my origin story as far as my phobia with age is concerned.  Now she is at the end of her life.   She's a really strong person and as such, may have even defied God's calling a few times already.  It really can't be too much longer which leads me to think about her funeral.  

My aunt, my mother's sister, died a few years ago and she was age-o-phobic too.  Her funeral was during covid so it was a small group.  That's a shame because she was like the mayor of her town, Glen Cove, NY.  Those closest to her know about her aversion to any conversation about age.  Others at the wake who didn't know her as well inevitably asked, "How old was she?"  Her true friends would quietly turn their heads in a gesture which said that the subject of her age is off limits.  

People always ask how old the deceased person is at a wake or funeral.  WHY?  First of all the date of birth is right there on the memorial card when you walk into the room.  Are people too lazy to do the simple math?  Is it to assess whether or not the person lived long enough according to their standards?  Or is it a number you will try to live past?  

Now I have some time to plan possible  responses to this pointless question..

1. 50 (It's an age my mother said she feels like on the inside.  Plus it puts me in my 20s)

2.  Well let me see  (Then I'll whip out a memorial card, point to the date of birth to the person who asked, and then count each year on my fingers while staring at the person without blinking.  That should put a stop to the question in the future)

3.  It's funny, she lost so much weight, something she always wanted to do but when she finally did she couldn't appreciate it.  She lost probably over 30 pounds but the numbers are not clear to me right now.  Like how much do you weigh?  You look about her size (or better, the size she used to be).  

This way the person got some numbers, not the one they wanted but the subject of a person's weight, especially a woman, is a quick way to deflect or end a conversation.  I may talk about the amount of inches in height she lost should a man ask.

It's a start.  

No Such Thing As Old

 Living for 100 years is just about the max.  Rarely people have exceeded it by 1-20 years, most never reach it.  So really no one is ever old.   The universe is essentially timeless, and at the very least according to science, it has been around for 13 billion years.  Humans have only been here on earth for a hair-width sliver of time on a 360' timeline, as exhibited at the Museum of Natural History.  So my little 100 years give or take, is a microscopic particle of that sliver.

The Older I Get...

 When people begin a comment with, "The older I get," I prepare to flee.   If they really start getting into whatever they were about to say, then I can relax and sit back, confident the conversation will not circle back to the subject of age, as it started.  The subject will become an end in itself, especially since the opening comment is superfluous and even pointless.

Why not start with, "I now realize" or, "Here's something I was never aware of until the last few years." OR why not just make the comment without any preface?  How is it relevant?  Does anyone really think others care when a thought originated?  If a five-year-old said, "The older I get, the more I realize pooping in the toilet is much more sanitary," would it surprise anyone to know the child made this observation now rather than while in diapers?  Now if an infant said that it would be relevant, but more than that it would be shocking as infants generally don't say words in general.  

Our Loved Ones Don't Die, They Live on In Our ... Gut.

 My very good friend told me my stomach is fat.  She said it as we were sitting in her pool at night, while I was wearing her bikini, to give you an idea of our relative sizes.  This was immediately after her bachelorette party which I planned.  There were alot of people in or around the pool.  We are both in really good shape, she even participates in body building competitions.  She's maybe ten pounds less than I am and a few inches shorter. 

It sounds terrible but it didn't offend me.  Her commentary on my body was as personal as a guy looking at another guy's car engine and making a comment about something that needs to be fixed.  Our mutual dedication to the craft of body building has the effect of our bodies being our canvases.  My gut is the splotch of paint on my canvas that looks like a mistake she hoped to help me correct.   Plus, having the stress of planning the bachelorette party behind me made me impervious to bother of any kind at that moment.  Even now, months later, it still doesn't bother me though.  

We are so much alike that it felt like she was talking to herself, as if I am merely an extension of, or reflection of her.  I explained that my stomach is always there no matter what.  Now I weigh about 115 pounds.  At 5'4" that's considered thin, especially since I lift weights and am fairly muscular.  I've gotten as thin as 109 pounds, not on purpose, and the protrusion of my stomach was still there, even while my ribs were showing.  

She didn't want to accept my stomach.  As I write this it makes me laugh.  Maybe she couldn't accept that there was nothing I could do about it, short of liposuction or whatever, or this was just something she felt the need to fix.  I'd like to have a flat stomach but in addition to the small pile of fat, my stomach tends to be bloated.  So even without the fat, I'm not sure it would ever be flat.  

My Gut

She did get me thinking about having the fat removed.  I haven't done any research on liposuction or alternative procedures that would remove the fat, but she planted a thought seed.  But truth be told, it doesn't bother me.  Getting older does for sure but not my stomach.  

My father had a similar gut shape.  My father was never heavy but his ribs were big.  Not sure if that affects the size or shape of your gut but my rib cage is large too and I suspect it is a part of the overall construction that results in our gut shape.  Maybe that's why I'm OK with my gut.  Maybe it allows me to feel like he's still with me.