Chapter 5: DANGER POINTS

Getting engaged sparked alot of age related questions. How long have you two been together? When are you getting married? Are you going to have children. If I said I don't know, they'd say, well how old are you? To which I'd say why do you ask? Because you're not getting any younger.

To which I'd love to say (fuck you), "I'm not? Oh no! Why I thought I was. Don't get me wrong, I knew you and everyone else in the world was getting older, but me? NO! Thank God you were here to tell me. And in front of so many people, in case I forget, I'll have them to remind me now. And now they can finish your job of finding out how old I am in days to come, now that you have brought it to their attention. Now what will I do? How many more years will I be able to bear children oh wise one? Oh thank you for telling me I'm not getting any younger, I'm so glad you brought up the whole subject of my age. Let me guess, I bet you'd tell me your age, right? Then it's only fair that I tell you mine, because if you are comfortable with your age then so am I!

When I got the ring I wasn't sure I'd actually marry the guy, and that was a source of another type of inquisition. People would look more intently at me, studying my face for age. The semi polite ones would ask how old my fiancé was. I'd shave off a few years from his age knowing that the slick sleuths would next ask if he was older or younger than me. He is a few years older, but I wouldn't tell them that. I'd simply say, "he's older, I have to run", and run I did.

If they caught me with the question before my escape, my basic plan of avoidance was
· Humor
· Old enough/not old enough to get married
· Still in my child-bearing years
· Probably older than you (regardless of their age)
· 29
· 59

Finally, just run away if possible.

This incident was accidental. But prepare yourself before entering a group, class, party, etc. where age can become a significant factor and therefore a topic of discussion.

Now you must prepare yourself for events such as a financial planning seminar for example. I was in one recently* and a woman in it talked happily about retiring and about the fact that she was close to turning 60. We were in this seminar for a few hours but she volunteered her age almost immediately. I was the youngest one there but I still wouldn't divulge such personal information in public. In fact the others in the seminar joked about my "youth". I learned that day that I couldn't get money out of my IRA until I was 59 years old. My reaction prompted a woman in the group to say, "You can tell she's so far away from 59 by her reaction." After a moment of glee, I prayed no one would ask. So even suggestions of how young one is create anxiety in the true age-o-phoebe.

* Recently is a good word to use instead of a specific date. Depending on who you are and what your frame of reference is recently could mean yesterday, a few years ago, or 3,000 years ago