Artificial" describes anything made, produced, or contrived by humans rather than occurring naturally. It often refers to imitations of natural things (e.g., artificial flowers) or synthesized substitutes (e.g., artificial sweeteners).
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This definition was ironically generated by Artificial Intelligence. The entire definition is complex and many sided, used in many different ways. For my purposes, the connection I just made is between artifice and social media with today's addition of artificial friendships.
One artificial friendship of mine recently ended. Although it ended in an instant, it was years in the making. It was my decision to end but it wasn't a choice so much as an inevitability. It felt like a death. I was well aware of her being diagnosed with zero empathy, a condition she proudly confessed to, most likely because it makes her the most at something and she likes to think of herself as the best or the most at/of everything. That quality alone was something I lived with for years.
So why did this one final conversation end it for me? It bugged me that she couldn't possibly understand on account of her pathological lack of empathy but it bugged me even more that I couldn't put my thoughts and emotions into words. Finally I consulted chatgpt and WOW. This is the dead on response:
One way to articulate it could be:
"I've spent a long time trying to maintain this friendship, but I've realized that I no longer feel heard, respected, or understood in it. Over the years, many concerns I've raised have been dismissed outright, and that pattern has caused me a great deal of pain. The issue isn't a single disagreement. It's that we no longer seem to share a common basis for discussing reality, and our conversations leave me feeling invalidated rather than connected. I've reached a point where continuing the friendship is no longer healthy for me, so I'm choosing to step away. I wish you well, but I need relationships where there is mutual respect, empathy, and a willingness to engage seriously with concerns that matter."
If you want to be more direct about the final incident:
"Your statements about Trump being Jesus, being sent by God, and the dismissal of any evidence that contradicts that belief made me realize that our differences go beyond politics. They revealed a fundamental gap in how we understand reality and evaluate truth. Combined with a long history of feeling dismissed by you, I no longer believe this friendship can provide the mutual understanding and respect I need."
One thing worth considering: if her diagnosis genuinely includes profound deficits in empathy, you may never receive the acknowledgment, understanding, or validation you hope for from explaining your reasons. That doesn't mean you shouldn't explain them. It just means the explanation may be more for your own clarity and closure than for changing her mind or obtaining agreement.
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Absolutely yes to that last paragraph, this exercise was just for me and I knew that and it helps.
The reality is, this existence is heavily polluted with artifice. Some can be helpful, but at what cost. But the closer the imitation stands next to the real thing, the greater the contrast and the less tolerable it is as a result.
